Chicago Children’s Advocacy Center is a program for sexual abuse prevention and response to crisis. They have supports specifically for children with disabilities. They recommend creating a family safety plan, teaching children about sex and sexuality, learning about sexual development, taking to caregivers/program staff about issues of sexuality, and watching others’ behaviors.I like this resource because the focus in on prevention through increasing the viability of sexuality.
The culture that makes it inappropriate to talk about healthy sex and sexuality creates a hidden space where dangerous sexual behavior can take place. Whenever we’re talking about prevention, I think that it is important to highlight that children and often adults with developmental disabilities cannot prevent their own abuse. Adults and older children with more power and more control manipulate to create situations where they can abuse. Prevention looks like trying to eliminate those spaces and creating opportunities for reporting. This agency seems to focus on that method and minimize language that blames the victim.
Here is a webinar which aired live on December 9th, 2015 on Safety & Autism: Helping caregivers and providers talk about sexual abuse and prevention.
Individuals with physical, cognitive, or emotional disabilities have a right to education about sexuality, sexual health care, and opportunities for socializing and sexual expression. Healthcare workers and other caregivers must receive comprehensive sexuality education, as well as training in understanding and supporting sexual development, behavior, and related healthcare for individuals with disabilities. The policies and procedures of social agencies and healthcare delivery systems should ensure that services and benefits are provided to all persons without discrimination because of disability.
Human sexuality encompasses the sexual knowledge, beliefs, attitudes, values, and behaviors of individuals. Its various dimensions involve the anatomy, physiology, and biochemistry of the sexual response system; identity, orientation, roles, and personality; and thoughts, feelings, and relationships. Sexuality is influenced by ethical, spiritual, cultural, and moral concerns. All persons are sexual, in the broadest sense of the word.
From Sexuality Information & Education Council of the US, www.siecus.org
Teaching human sexuality is about formal lessons, selecting information, and choosing how to teach it, but it’s more than that. To be a sexuality educator you have to see the whole person and be committed to support that person. It’s not easy, it won’t be prefect, and you might make mistakes. But it’s not impossible either and you have lots of tools.
To me, it’s about asking “why not?”. Why not teach someone about different sexual positions? Why not incorporate questions about sexual life into annual planning meetings? Why not teach someone how to ask someone else on a date? Why not affirm someone when they are expressing their sexuality? Sometimes there are good answers to these questions but a lot of times there just aren’t. Being a sexuality educator is about being an advocate. It’s about giving people information in an engaging way they can digest. It’s about teaching skills and changing patterns of behavior. It’s about sending the message that there is nothing fundamentally wrong with who you are. I really appreciate people taking time to read this blog because I think the work you do is really important. Thank you!
This book by Miriam Kaufman, Cory Silverberg, and Fran Odette is eye opening. It’s written by people with disabilities for people with disabilities and focuses on the joys of sexual intimacy. As a typically developing person, it challenged a lot of my assumptions about sex and made me think about new things. Chapters include: Myths About Disability and Sex; Desire and Self-Esteem; Sexual Anatomy and Sexual Response; Communication; Sex with Ourselves; Sex with Others; Oral Sex, Penetration and Positioning; Sex Toys, Books, and Videos; Yoga and Tantric Sex; S/M; Sexual Health; Sexual Violence and Sexuality; Resources; and Glossary of Gender and Sex Terms. I want to share two passages with you.
Sex and Spontaneity
“We’re taught that sex is suppose to be spontaneous, something that just comes naturally (like ‘true love’). This belief is damaging to everyone, but is a real problem for people living with disabilities, because any amount of planning makes sex not spontaneous. Believing in this myth pretty much ensures a lously sex life.
While sex has many meanings, at its heart sex is a process of communication. Whether we are flirting from across a crowded room, giving someone head for the first time, or making love while listening to a piece of music that totally turns us on, being sexual is being in contact with ourselves and our surroundings. The idea that this process can happen without thinking, talking, or planning is ridiculous.
Maybe we are willing to buy into the myth of sexual spontaneity because talking about our desires is difficult. It’s risky, and makes us feel exposed and vulnerable, and often vulnerability is equated with weakness.”
This made me think a lot about the way I teach reproduction and sexual intimacy. I tend to focus a lot sexual behavior, but not as much on the planning and communication that comprises that behavior. Also, I do a lot of role playing, planning out what you’re going to say in advance, and scripting. I’ve never really done that around negotiating intimacy.
“If we were taught anything about sex at all when we were younger, many of us learned that sex was something private, inappropriate to talk about or do in front of others. Privacy becomes a requirement for sexuality.
From someone living in an institution, or using attendant services, or needing the assistance of someone else to facilitate communication, privacy is a completely different reality. The definition of privacy changes when you have no lock on your door, or when you request private time at a specific hours knowing that it will probably be written down in a log-book. This myth is one of those ‘no-win situations,’ because we’re told that real sex is a private matter and, guess what, you can’t have that kind of privacy.”
This passage really challenged me to think about how I teach privacy and how I teach about relationship types. I think sometimes I might ignore that what a lot of people think of as privacy and the individual I am working with reality of privacy are two disparate things.
I do wish this book focused a little more on people with intellectual disability and was written at lower reading level. I do think people with ID/DD could read it with support, especially sections. Much of the book is testimonies by people with disabilities and I think these passages could be great teaching tools. There are also suggested exercises- one of the exercises was about looking at your body. I teach antimony all the time, but I don’t think I’ve ever said, “when you’re at home, alone in your bedroom, look at and feel your body and check out the parts we’ve been talking about, you can even use a mirror.”
What is facilitated sex? This brief video explains what facilitated sexual activity is and some of the considerations.
Dr. Mitchel Tepper is an expert in the area of sexual health, disabilities, and medical conditions with a specific focus on physical disabilities. His website can connect you with a lot of great information (I especially like his blog).
Some things to keep in mind about facilitated sex…
- Facilitated sex is a continuum. Dr. Sarah Earle suggests it might include providing sex education, fostering an environment that allows intimacy, the procurement of sexual goods, and arranging for paid-for sexual services.
- Many individuals with disabilities would be unable to participate in many parts of sexual expression without some level of facilitation.
- It’s not that abuse and victimization aren’t concerns- they are! It is also important to consider how to support individuals with exploring sexual pleasure and sexual facilitation is part of that picture.
This online store features 33 dvd based resources for teaching human sexuality to individuals with intellectual disability. They have resources for…
- All age ranges
- Boys and girls
Prices range from $35.00 to $250.00 with everything in between. This could be a great place to find what you need.
YAI is a agency out of New York that has a relationship video series I really like. They also have developed a determining sexual consent manual (which you can get through their online resource center).
Unfortunately, this is not a free service, but as far as somethings go, it’s not too bad. For $150 a year you can buy membership to the YAI’s online resource center. You then get to download tons of materials. They have a lot on relationships and sexuality. Some of it is geared toward staff/educator preparedness but they also have lesson plans. Many of the items are available to purchase separately without buying membership to the resource center (and other items, like the relationship videos, aren’t available to download).
You can check out some of the resources available during a free trial.
Shirley Paceley is based out of Blue Tower Training in Decatur, Illinois. She has been working with individuals with developmental disabilities for over 30 years and has specific expertise in abuse prevention and intervention. She is available to do trainings and consultations.
Check out this online store for books and resources developed by Shirley and others for teaching about sexuality and sexual abuse prevention.
Many women with development disabilities are under anesthesia during pelvic exams or don’t get them at all (or as recommended). However, educating about pelvic exams may be an important part of teaching sexual health. I’ve included the link to a video that may help.
This is a brief video that goes through the basic procedure of a woman having a pelvic exam. This could also be a good video for teaching about female anatomy. It has a lot of technical terminology but it also moves nice and slow.
For those you how enjoy following blogs, and especially for those of you who enjoy blogs that feature individuals with disabilities, and particularly if you would like to read more about disability and sexuality- this blog is for you.
Dave Hingsburger is behind many of the resources from Diverse City Press such as Handmade Love/Finger Tips (masturbation education), No How (abuse prevention), and Undercover Dick (condom use). He also has written several books such as The Key (supporting individuals with disabilities who are also sexual offenders), R: The R Word (bullying self-advocacy), and Just Say Know (victimization). This is not an exhaustive list, but it gives you an idea.