Intimacy coaching is a specialized type of relationship coaching that focuses on helping emotional and physical intimacy. Intimacy and connection are essential parts of being human. Everyone deserves the chance to experience it fully. Intimacy coaching offers a supportive, judgement-free space to help individuals or couples explore and deepen their capacity for emotions, physical, and even spiritual intimacy. An intimacy coach helps you reconnect with your desires and communicate your needs. If you’re looking to bring back the spark, try something new, or simply understand your needs/desires better, intimacy coaching is the perfect way to go.
To learn more about what intimacy coaching does, watch this video.
Here are some intimacy coaches that have great reviews and cater towards people with disabilities.
Joslyn Nerdahl: Certified Sex Coach and Clinical Sexologist, Physical Disabilities
Joslyn Nerdahl is an intimacy coach who specialize in working with people with physical disabilities. She believes that communication and consent are the foundation of healthy intimacy. She has a passion for helping people learn how to talk about sex openly and provides a safe space for her clients to explore their needs and desires. Her services include intimacy coaching, sex education, and sexual rehabilitation. Learn more about her: Services – Joslyn Nerdahl
Grace Myhill is a couples coach and educator who specializes in working with couples where on or both partners are a person with autism. She focuses on each partner experience and validating each other their perspectives. She wants to help both partners work together to build emotional and relation skills. If you want to know more about her work visits her website: https://www.gracemyhill.com/
Dr. Mitchell Tepper: Sex Coach and Educator for People with Physical Disabilities
Dr. Mitchell Tepper is an educator who specializes in working with individuals with disabilities and chronic conditions to help reclaim pleasure and intimacy. His approach focuses on empowerment, inclusion, and accessibility. He emphasizes that everyone, regardless of physical ability deserves access to intimacy, pleasure, and love. To explore his work and resources visit his website: Coaching – Dr. Mitchell Tepper
Amy Gravino: Autism and Sexuality Advocate, Speaker, and Relationship Coach
While Amy Gravino is not an intimacy coach, she still advocates for autism sexuality. She is an educator who empowers autistic adults to embrace healthy relationships, self-advocacy, and sexual expression. If you want to learn more about her advocacy or watch one of her videos visit: A.S.C.O.T Consulting
I think intimacy coaching is a great way to explore yourself, your relationship, and spice things up.
Social media can be difficult to navigate as there are unknown “rules” and behaviors that are widely followed when first interacting with others, especially those you are interested in romantically. This aid demonstrates several unspoken guidelines, intimidating behaviors, and tips on staying within the guidelines on social media when trying to flirt. It is worth mentioning that this is not a comprehensive list of all guidelines and intimidating behaviors, but rather a guide to help you talk to your crush online in a fun, respectful way that keeps everyone comfortable. As a 21-year-old who has been online from a young age, some of these guidelines are based on my own experiences and knowledge.
Example of a relevant comment: Someone posts a photo of them graduating school and you comment, “Congratulations!”
Example of a direct message: You talked to someone last week about a book series and sent this message: “Hi! It’s [your name], we talked last week about [book series]. I started reading it and really liked it. Do you have any other recommendations?”
Examples of using emojis: (1) You are messaging your crush about a movie that you both recently watched and talking about a scene that left you in disbelief: “I can’t believe that happened 😭 I was not expecting it at all!” (2) You made plans to hang out with your crush in person and sent this message: “I’m excited to hang out on Saturday 😊 See you then!”
Teen Vogue has a list of questions to keep the conversation going with your crush, whether you’re looking for something low-pressure, flirty, deep, random, interesting, or just plain fun.
The Napoleon Cat Blog gives some tips for commenting on someone’s post, showing different examples for different post scenarios. Some of them are intended for friends, but can still be used for your crush’s posts. Their 35 Short Comments for Instagram section is best used when you first start commenting, as they are simple, not intimidating, and friendly.
We have created a how-to-guide for individuals with disabilities to navigate setting, recognizing, and respecting boundaries with their romantic partners.
The setting in which you touch someone matters. Do not touch someone without their consent. It is also important to give people time to open up about certain topics and give people time to put in effort into a relationship.
Recognizing that someone needs to be alone or is uncomfortable can take time to learn. If someone is not showing interest in a conversation, if they are giving short, snappy answers, or if someone is pulling away from gentle touches are all signs that someone may be uncomfortable or want to be left alone.
Respecting one another’s differing opinions is very important. Keep a discussion honest and open, and have mutual agreements on when and were to have certain conversations.
Finally, setting boundaries are important because you want to build trust in a relationship. This post includes an infographic that can support someone’s quest in finding and maintaining romantic relationships and boundaries.
To support teaching these concepts, we have created a presentation and lesson plan that are free to use.
Pelvic exams and sexual health appointments can feel like a lot to handle. A pelvic exam is when a doctor looks at the vulva and vagina. You can calm your nerves by preparing ahead of time. Setting boundaries beforehand also helps. Speaking up for yourself will make you feel safe, heard, and at ease during your visit.
First, what to expect at a sexual health appointment:
Routine checkup
Discomfort, pain or mild pressure
Talking about birth control
Pelvic exam
Pap smear
Reproductive health concerns
Infertility
Sexual transmitted infections
Pregnancy complications
Before your appointment:
Decide if you want emotional support.
A close friend, guardian, or family member offers comfort and support.
Bring comfort items.
If waiting rooms make you anxious, bring a fidget toy or a stress ball. A small comfort item can help too. These items can help pass time.
Planning Communication
Think about how you want to talk to your provider. You can do this by speaking, writing, or using a patient portal. Let your healthcare professional know your preference.
Adjust the environment.
Share your lighting preferences. Should it be bright or dim? This will help you feel at ease.
If the noise or lights bother you, you can wait in the car until the professionals are ready for you.
During Appointment:
Write down questions.
It’s easy to forget questions you had before the professional sees you. Writing or typing them first helps you cover everything you want.
Visuals
A body map is a visual tool, a drawing of a persons body. You can show areas of interest on your body by simply pointing. It helps you show where something can hurt or feel different. It also indicates where something needs to be checked by the doctor.
If you’re visiting a doctor focused on private parts or sexual health, you can use the body map. For example, it helps show specific areas of concern. Without needing to use a lot of words.
Point to or circle areas you want to discuss
Use colors or symbols to show pain (ex: red for pain)
To prepare for your sexual health appointment, follow these simple steps. It also ensures that all your concerns are covered and helps you feel at ease. Your comfort and well-being are always a number one priority.
Listed below are a slideshow, worksheet, and plain-language guide designed to help people understand and cope with rejection. These resources explain what rejection can look like and explore how people react when they feel rejected. You’ll also find ways to cope and work through those feelings in healthy ways.
Rejection is a normal part of life, and it’s something everyone goes through. You don’t have to run away from it, you can face it and grow stronger from it.
Below is a plain language guide. This resource allows for individuals to easily access and understand LGBTQIA+ identities, and can be used for educational purposes. The definitions were sourced from @IncludedUD on Instagram, as well as the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). These two links will take you to the Instagram and to the HRC’s glossary of LGBTQIA+ terms respectively.
***plain text language***
Below is an screen-reader friendly Plain Language Guide without images.
According to Planned Parenthood, sexual consent is “an agreement to participate in sexual activity. Consent lets someone know that sex is wanted.”
Sexual activity can be a lot of different types of activities, from kissing to sexual intercourse to oral sex.
Judging consent between partners, as well as self-reflection about consent, is crucial for sexual activity. This article will provide resources for accessing and reflecting on consent, and ensure that consent is an easier conversation.
A very helpful tool to gauge consent is the Verbal Informed Sexual Consent Assessment Tool. This source shares important reflection questions to analyze whether someone can give consent, giving a checklist as well as examples of questions to ask.
Consent can be a very simple conversation. Once you know that you and your partner are capable, informed, and confident in making decisions about sexual behaviors, have a conversation with your partner. Ask your partner what their boundaries are, and what sexual behaviors are okay with them. Sexual behaviors are a continuous conversation, that is that the conversation will continue to come up, and the result of the conversation can change. If you or your partner consents to kissing one day, and says “no” to kissing the next day, consent is being taken away and kissing shouldn’t continue to happen until consent is given again. For tools about how to revoke consent, refer to our webpage graphic about Ways to Say No .
This website from Planned Parenthood gives more examples of how to talk with your partner about consent, including examples such as how to check in on consent.
These two videos explain consent and boundaries. The second video also gives an example!
Dr. Curtiss was invited to the Center of Disability Studies at the University of Delaware to present on Sexual Consent and Disability. Participants learned what sexual consent is from a sexual health perspective and a legal perspective. They also learned important considerations when teaching consent and how teaching consent promotes sexual safety.
When Dr. Curtiss talks about teaching sexual consent she discussed four main skills: Saying No, Recognizing No, Respecting No, and Saying Yes. To say No, you need to be able to say NO with different levels of intensity, to have multiple strategies for saying NO, a be able to say NO in a variety of contexts including online. To be able to recognize No, you need to be able to recognize verbal, non-vebal, and contextual NO as well as NO by omission. To be able to respect NO you need to have self-regulation skills to manage emotional reaction to hearing NO. To be able to say YES, you need to understand what feel comfortable.
There are many different methods to choose from when it come to birth control. If you are interested in starting birth control, make sure you do some research to find which one works for you!
Baylor College of Medicine* shares a list of contraceptive methods and includes resources for learning more about how they work.
Bedsider posted an article titled “What You Should Know About Birth Control When You Have a Disability.” The article discusses how to talk with your healthcare provider and find the right birth control for yourself.
The Cerebral Palsy Foundation* has a list of things you should consider before going on birth control. This source is specifically for people with Cerebral Palsy.
TASCC (Talking About Sexuality in Canadian Communities) is a resource for people with disabilities in Canada, but the information is also applicable to people in other countries. The source shares different methods of preventing pregnancy and how birth control can prevent STIs.
Planned Parenthood shares 18 methods of birth control and provides information on how they work. You can search for contraception based on how well they prevent pregnancy, help with periods, prevent STDs, whether or not they use hormones, and how easy they are to use. Planned Parenthood also includes a range of prices for each birth control method.
Alabama:The University of Alabama at Birmingham offers resources on sexuality and relationships, sexual abuse, and tips for parents when discussing sexuality with their children.
Alaska: Olmstead Rights shares a list of resources and advocacy organizations in Alaska. The resources are directed towards individuals with physical, intellectual and developmental disabilities, and mental illness.
Arizona:Special Olympics Arizona offers a list of resources for individuals with disabilities who want to learn more about health and wellness.
Arkansas: The Arkansas Disability Coalition is an organization that helps families and individuals with disabilities by providing health-related support, information, and resources.
California: Disability Without Abuse Project is dedicated to spreading awareness about abuse faced by individuals with intellectual or developmental disabilities. They offer resources, a newsfeed, and a blog for people who are interested in learning more.
Colorado:The Initiative Colorado works to raise awareness and break down barriers to accessing health services.
Connecticut:The Center for Relationship and Sexuality Education strives to make sexual health information more accessible for members of the intellectual and developmental disability community. They provide learning materials and professional development programs.
Delaware: Planned Parenthood of Delaware provides education and training services for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities.
Florida: The Disability and Health Program aims to increase the accessibility and availability of health resources for people in the disability community.
Hawaii:Hawaii Pacific Health is a resource for people who would like to learn more about sexual abuse, and for those who have already experienced sexual abuse.
Idaho:DisAbility Rights Idaho provides protection and advocacy for people with disabilities.
Illinois:Community Choices supports individuals with disabilities in the process of filling medications, scheduling and going to appointments, and connecting with health representatives.
Indiana: Indiana Institute on Disability and Community has a feature on their website where you can input information to find resources specific to your situation. They also offer training and workshops and other opportunities to become involved in the community.
Iowa: The Iowa Department of Public Health provides a list of resources for people with disabilities who would like to learn more about sexual health.
Louisiana: Green Clinic offers resources for dating violence and sexual assault, and sexual health. They also share resources for STI testing.
Maine: MomentumRELATE offers education, dialogue, advocacy, and training for people with disabilities. They are committed to helping people develop a healthy and positive understanding of sexuality and relationships.
Maryland: Respectability offers general sexuality resources for members of the disability community. Some of the topics they includes resources for are masturbation, hygiene and self care, puberty, and relationships.
Massachusetts: The Massachusetts Department of Public Health and the Massachusetts Department of Developmental Services collaborated to create a guide on healthy relationships and sexuality.
Minnesota:Family Tree Clinic offers a wide range of services including birth control, annual exams, trans hormone care, STI testing and treatment, and Rapid HIV testing. They also offer a health education program for members of the community who are deaf, deafblind, and hard of hearing.
Mississippi: The Arc focuses on respect, abilities, freedom of choice, and inclusion. They provide resources for people with disabilities regarding self-advocacy.
Missouri:SHADE (Sexual Health and Disability Education) teaches sexual education to people with disabilities. They have a newsletter, resources, and guides for supplemental information.
Nebraska: Munroe-Meyer Institute has a team of occupational therapists, physical therapists, psychologists, and recreational therapists who offer sexual health services to individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities.
Nevada:Planned Parenthood offers comprehensive sex education and services for individuals with disabilities.
New Hampshire: Disability Rights Center – NH offers information and assistance regarding Medicaid and healthcare, access and accommodations, and general health.
New Hampshire: Elevatus Training is an organization that offers extensive information about navigating sexuality as a person with a disability.
New Jersey:The Division of Disability Services in the Department of Human Services collaborates with health educators, policy makers, and experts in the field of health to create an inclusive setting for people with disabilities to learn about sexual health.
New Jersey: A.S.C.O.T. Counseling offers presentations and counseling on subjects like autism and sexuality, and the experiences women on the spectrum have.
New York: Project SHINE works to create innovative and accessible sexual health tools for members of the disability community.
North Carolina:Autism Society of North Carolina offers an extensive list of resources about sexual health for youth and adults with disabilities.
North Dakota:My Ally Health is a reproductive health clinic. They assure that their services are available to anyone regardless of disability status, race, sex, religion, or economic status.
Ohio:The Ohio Developmental Disabilities Council has meetings, sends newsletters, holds events, and offers resources about health for people with disabilities. One of their previous events involved a discussion about healthy romantic relationships and sexuality in the I/DD community!
Pennsylvania: Positive Approaches Journal was published by the Pennsylvania Department of Human Services. The journal features research and information on sexuality, LGBTQIA+ inclusion, and relationships.
Rhode Island:Zencare is a resource that connects people with disabilities with sex therapists in the area.
South Carolina:United Spinal Association is a source for people with spinal cord injuries or disorders. They provide tips for patients and discuss how to plan for a doctor visit.
South Carolina:Able South Carolina is a community-based nonprofit that offers a variety of services for individuals with disabilities.
South Dakota:Bridging South Dakota is a program that offers support for people with disabilities who are survivors of sexual assault.
South Dakota: Planned Parenthood provides a variety of services, such as abortion, birth control, pregnancy testing and services, and STD testing and treatment.
Tennessee:Tennessee Disability Services offers a list of resources on dating and romantic relationships, targeted towards individuals with intellectual disabilities.
Tennessee: Autism Tennessee offers occasional events that involve discussions about relationships and sex. Their Sexual Identity & Inclusion Alliance facilitator is very passionate about creating equal access to information for everyone.
Texas: Planned Parenthood provides a variety of services, such as abortion, birth control, pregnancy testing and services, and STD testing and treatment.
Texas:Navigate Life Texas is a resource for parents of children with disabilities. They offer tips on discussing puberty and sexuality, how to talk to the doctor, and more.
Utah:Planned Parenthood Association of Utah provides a variety of services, such as abortion, birth control, pregnancy testing and services, and STD testing and treatment.
Vermont: Planned Parenthood of Northern New England offers sexuality education for people with developmental disabilities, along with other sexual health resources and services.
Virginia: Disability-inclusive Sexual Health Network (DSHN) connects and supports youths with disabilities in Virginia through sexual education. They have a youth advisory board, resources, and plenty of ways to get involved on their website.
Washington:The Arc of King County shares resources on relationships, sexuality, and gender. Their goal is to ensure that everyone gets equal access to sexual health information.
Washington: The University of Washington has compiled a list of resources on sexuality and relationships for individuals with intellectual disabilities and autism.
Wisconsin:Wisconsin Behavioral Health Clinic emphasizes the importance of making sexual health information more accessible, and offers a variety of resources and services for people with disabilities.
Wyoming:The University of Wyoming shares resources on sexual and reproductive health, healthy relationships, and sexual orientation.
If you have a relevant organization that you would like added to this list, please contact us.
While pregnancy is usually an exciting time, it can also be intimidating. There is a lot to know about being pregnant and having a child as a person with a disability, and luckily there are resources available to help!
The National Research Center for Parents with Disabilities is a collaborative research and advocacy project that aims to help parents with disabilities. The website includes a “data hub” with tips and information for people who are considering having a child, people who are pregnant, and people who already are already parents.
Disabled Parenting Project is a branch of the National Research Center for Parents with Disabilities. The project is dedicated to allowing people with disabilities to share their experiences and receive advice.
The University of Cincinnati Center for Excellence in Developmental Disabilities created a guide* for people who identify as a pregnant woman with a developmental disability. It includes information on finding accessible healthcare providers, building a support network, and self-advocating during medical visits.
Bump’n is a brand that was created to make sexual pleasure more accessible. All of their content and products are co-created by a team who aims to inspire people to talk more openly about sexuality and disability.
The Bump’n Joystick is a sex toy that does not require you to use your hands! The Joystick has different sized holes in its base for you to insert your favorite toys. You simply hug the top of the toy or lay on it, and it does the work for you!
This toy is currently available for preorder for $249 on the Bump’n website!
Advocates for Youth is an organization that is dedicated to improving sexual and reproductive health among adolescents and securing the rights of young people.
Advocates for Youth recognizes that sex education should equip people with tools to make informed decisions about sex and relationships, instead of withholding information and telling young people not to have sex.
The organization works with AMAZE to publish animated videos that provide children and adolescents with accessible and age-appropriate sexual information. More information about AMAZE can be found here.
Advocates for Youth offers a K-12 sex education curriculum specifically for students with intellectual disabilities that includes all of the topics the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has labeled as essential. The curriculum emphasizes the importance of rights, respect, and responsibility, and covers topics such as gender identity, race, and healthy relationships. This curriculum can be found on the Advocates for Youth website, linkedhere.
In addition to making efforts to improve sexual education in the classroom, Advocates for Youth hosts virtual and in-person events for people interested in learning more! Some of their previous events involved discussions about STIs, abortion, and consent.
It is difficult to determine the exact risk of sexual abuse for individuals with ASD. For one thing, reports of sexual abuse in the general population can vary widely. The first national survey reports victimization rates of 27% for women and 16% of men (Finkelhor et al., 1990)*- and many studies seem to report findings similar to this. A study has shown that children with disabilities are 1.7 times more likely to experience sexual abuse (Crosse, Kaye & Ratnofsky, 1993)*. In this study all children with disabilities were examined, not just individuals with ASD . Individuals who are caregiver dependent may be at the highest risk as family members, family acquaintances, and paid caregivers are the most likely to commit sexual abuse (Mansell et al., 1996)*. Difficulties communicating, lack of knowledge of sexual norms and activities, and isolation may contribute to increased risk of sexual abuse among individuals with ASD.
So what can you so? Here are 5 places to start.
Have a clear reporting procedure of any suspected incidences of abuse or neglect and use it!
Don’t hug, kiss, hold hands, snuggle or in other ways compromise professional boundaries. Not only does this potentially mask dangerous “grooming” by sexual predators, it also communicates that individuals with disabilities are asexual.
Sexuality education 🙂 may provide opportunities to for individuals to be better able to communicate and better understand social norms and activities thus giving them tools to better understand if abuse may be taking place.
Teach folks to say no! When we don’t provide structured opportunities for people to say no, then when they need to they don’t know how.
Don’t let sex be a taboo. If everyone is afraid to talk about it, they will be afraid when there is a problem also. Also, perpetrators will be deterred by the open communication.
The Department of Human Services in Illinois is targeting ending violence against women with disabilities. Click here to learn more!
*Link takes you to an abstract of the original article.
Making decisions about dating can be tough, especially if you don’t really know what types of decisions to make. This graphic can be used to help steer the conversation about dating and how to make healthy decisions. It is available for download here.
The Birds and The Bees 
