Navigating developmental stages, education, and sex education can be extremely difficult. The Birds & The Bees team put together a parent tip sheet that offers basic information and resources for parents of autistic children. View the tip sheets in the slide show and download below.
Sex Ed for Self-Advocates
The Organization for Autism Research (OAR) was founded by parents and grandparents. OAR strives to use science to address social, educational, and treatment concerns in the Autism community. Their mission is to fund research, provide useful information and resources to the community, as well as hold programs to improve quality of life for individuals with Autism.
The OAR has put together an online guide for sexuality and sex ed. This guide is self-paced and intended for people on the Autism Spectrum aged 15 and older. This guide consists of nine modules: Public vs Private, Puberty, Healthy Relationships, Consent, Dating 101, Sexual Orientation/Gender Identity, Am I Ready?, Sexual Activity, Online Relationships and Safety. Each module consists of a video overview and 10-15 smaller sections.
This guide is completely free and can be accessed at the link below:
While many people are familiar with pornography, it’s not always suited for everybody. Some people may become overstimulated, overwhelmed, or just downright uncomfortable when trying to enjoy an adult film. While there are some alternatives, like erotic scripts and stories, there is still an increasing amount of people looking for more options. An increasingly popular alternative is erotic audios, which are recordings of actors engaging in sexual activity.
PsstAudio is a website that is dedicated to erotic audios, scripts, and texts. This website allows users to listen to a library of audios, as well as upload their own. It’s easy to navigate, search, listen to and save audios, and it’s completely free to users. You must be over the age of 18 to create and account. The website’s homepage can be found here: https://psstaudio.com/
@LingerieLitClub is both a Twitter account and a Discord server that promotes erotic audios. They constantly post links to new audios, as well as hold events on their Discord server. They hold Intimate Poetry Nights, Q&A nights with audio performers and authors, as well as large group calls where you can speak to other people a part of the server. All of their events are completely free and the audios they post are accessible to everyone! Their links can be found below:
Erotic audios offer a new way for people with Intellectual disabilities to find sexual pleasure because they are a less stimulating alternative to pornography. These new options promote sexual health for everybody and have made pleasure more accessible!
Mad Hatter Wellness
Mad Hatter Wellness is a company that creates comprehensive sexual health programs that teach and empower people with intellectual disabilities. Their curriculum Sexuality for All Abilities, contains activities and lessons that cover many different topics regarding sexuality and relationships. This is a holistic program that combines mindfulness techniques to address sexuality topics and provides a safe environment that ensures growth and learning. They offer a student and an adult option of the curriculum and can be purchased for $375 at the link below.
On top of this, Mad Hatter Wellness also sells other tools to help teach and practice topics that are covered in the curriculum. Their Boundaries Flip Book that form sentences regarding boundaries. It created discussion for healthy boundaries, as well as highlights what is okay and what isn’t, and when these behaviors are appropriate. On top of this, they also have a Family Discussion Guide, which offers activities, information, and discussion questions that will help families discuss healthy relationships and boundaries. In addition to these, they offer self-paced online courses, and more physical resources that can be used to implement the curriculum.
Accessible Sex Toys
While many other household items are changing and being developed more accessibly, any industries regarding sex often stay avoided. Sex is such a taboo topic in general, even more so in the disabled community. There are many rumors and assumptions made about sexuality in the disabled community, the most prevalent myth is that people with any type of disabilities don’t have sex or experience sexual pleasure. However, that’s not true. Sex is a basic human function, and everyone, regardless of ability, is entitled to it. Many times, sex toys are extremely inaccessible for people with physical and intellectual disabilities. Whether they’re not easy to physically work with, or they’re too stimulating, sex toys aren’t usually designed with all types of bodies in mind.
Come As You Are is an online business specializing in high-quality, ethically sourced, and affordable sex toys for all ability levels. This company has a wide variety of sex toys that are designed to work for people with all types of disabilities. When making their toys, they keep topics like mobility, privacy, fatigue, and many others in mind when creating sex toys. They are very transparent about how their toys are made, and they take suggestions about how to better improve their toys and make them more inclusive. They say, “It’s our experience that doesn’t come ‘naturally’ to everyone. We consider it our responsibility to do the hard work that makes it easier to explore.”
On top of this, their website has many articles and resources that talk about inclusivity in the sex industry. Their articles discuss choosing the right sex toy depending on your ability, information about condoms, and many other aspects of sexuality. They encourage embracing sexuality healthily, despite your skill level, and are pushing the sex industry in a more inclusive direction!
The website’s home page is linked below:
Also, here’s more information from our team about the importance of affirming sexual expression! (article linked below)
The Sexual Health for Individuals with Intellectual/Developmental Disabilities (SHEIDD) project promotes comprehensive and accessible sex education for youth with with intellectual or developmental disabilities. They’ve interviewed individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities and found out what they want from sexual education. They’ve co-created guidelines for educators, parents, peers, or other individuals associated with someone with a DD (which they call “support people). These guidelines are holistic, and they help individuals understand themselves, what their rights are, how to express themselves, and how to build healthy relationships. The SHEIDD project also provides resources, trainings, and teaching tools on their website. They partner with various organizations around the country and help to holistically educate individuals with disabilities.
These guidelines are free to anyone, and can be accessed at the link below:
Sex Ed Rescue
Properly educating children on sex, puberty, and many other related topics can be challenging for parents. Many parents struggle with how they should speak to their child about these topics, and when the time is right. Sex Ed Rescue is a YouTube channel designed to educate parents on how to talk to their kids about these topics. This channel includes instructional videos, Q&A’s, children’s book reviews, and many other educational resources. It is a great resource to help parents educate their children on sex. It also helps to create a more age-appropriate environment for the child, and encourages comfortable communication between the child and the parent.
Linked below is the channel’s introduction video and the channel’s homepage.
Teen Talk Adapted for All Abilities
Health Connection is a company that designs sex education curriculum for teachers. Teen Talk: Adapted for All Abilities is an adaptation of their Teen Talk curriculum, and is designed to cater to 7th to 12th grade students with disabilities. This is an adaptation of This curriculum focuses on tolerance, respect, and personal values articulation. It addresses topics like sexuality, gender roles, and reproductive healthcare. This curriculum also uses gender inclusive language. The Adapted for All Abilities can be purchased for $345 (plus tax). You can find more information at the link below:
Sexuality and Disability: A Guide for Women with Disabilities
Sexuality and Disability is a free blog dedicated to providing a resource for women with disabilities. The blog answers questions pertaining to sex, the body, relationships, and more in a safe and open discussion. The welcome statement of the website encompasses this;
“Our site starts with the premise that people with disabilities are sexual beings – just like anyone else. sexualityanddisability.org is constructed as a bunch of questions a woman with a disability might have – about her body, about the mechanics and dynamics of having sex, about the complexities of being in an intimate relationship or having children, about unvoiced fears or experiences of encountering abuse in some form.”
Sexuality and Disability also includes an award-winning section that appeals to many individuals with disabilities that contains stories from the point of view of an individual with a disability and gives an in depth and realistic view on sexual topics.
Capacity to Consent to Sexual Activity among Those with Developmental Disabilities
The Stanford Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities Law and Policy Project released a report focused on the Capacity to Consent to Sexual Activity among Those with Developmental Disabilities (link takes you to the page where you can freely download the report). The report provides historical background, the current state of the field, and capacity definitions. There are no federal statutes defining sexual assault and consent – each state has its own statutes. The report highlights six standards for consent used in various states: morality, nature and the consequences, totality of the circumstances, nature of the conduct, judgement, and evidence of disability. The Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN) provides easy access to the laws in each state (link takes you to their state law finder). As wording in state statutes can be vague, judicial decisions help provide guidance for interpreting the statutes. The report from Stanford Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities Law and Policy Project provides summaries of judicial decision for each state. This report is an important tool for both victim rights and sexual autonomy advocates.
Talking About Sex: Sexuality Education for Learners with Disabilities
From the Publishers:
Key social and emotional milestones during adolescence are often directly related to the abilities to initiate and maintain intimate relationships, maintain physically maturing bodies, and manage personal sexuality. Most adolescents with developmental disabilities have particular difficulty expressing sexuality in satisfying ways, consequently facing issues such as limited intimate relationships, low self-esteem, increased social isolation, deregulated emotional maintenance, reduced sexual functioning, and limited sexual health.
Appropriate sexual knowledge assists not only in achieving personal fulfillment, but protection from mistreatment, abuse, unplanned pregnancies, or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). It also works to help solve problems of loneliness and problems with self-esteem.
This book will address this but also much more. Issues of physical and cognitive development will be discussed, including appropriate sexual development/urges and brain development, and innate similarities and differences of sexuality that could occur between people with autism spectrum disorders and intellectual or developmental disabilities, including the complexities of physical disabilities. The authors will also consider special considerations for group homes and recreational facilities, and specifically focus on concepts of ethics and models of consent (medical, legal, social, and educational), as well as how to deal with uncertainty.
Adult Human Sexuality Curriculum
These curricula materials are for educators working with young adults. It is a bit more in depth than the high school curriculum and discusses human sexuality in a broader sense.
Adult Human Sexuality Week 7- Sexual Health
For our sexual health week we talked focused on STDs and contraception methods although we did include more general health information in the newsletter. We did a condom demonstration and then practiced putting on condoms (we used bananas as our phallics). It was really important that we did that because several parts of putting on condom were tricky such as opening the wrapper and making sure it wasn’t inside out.
We talked about the “morning after pill” and STD testing. This is a more complicated topic for individuals with medical guardians. Individuals have the right to these forms of medical care without guardian approval if they are part of post sexual assault forensics. But what about outside of that context? This was especially timely as we had this class the same week a New York judge struck down age limits on the “morning after pill”.
We played a game with contraception methods and STDs that mimic Go Fish. It was a lot of fun. The cards for the game are below. Depending on your audience, you could either print out two copies of the same cards or there are two versions of each card so you can squeeze in twice as many facts.
If you’re teaching a class on this topic and would like to check out our materials, I’ve included them below.
Sexual Health- Pelvic Exams
Many women with development disabilities are under anesthesia during pelvic exams or don’t get them at all (or as recommended). However, educating about pelvic exams may be an important part of teaching sexual health. I’ve included the link to a video that may help.
This is a brief video that goes through the basic procedure of a woman having a pelvic exam. This could also be a good video for teaching about female anatomy. It has a lot of technical terminology but it also moves nice and slow.
The Circles of Sexuality
No, these aren’t the circles we usually talk about related to levels of intimacy and based on the Circles curriculum. These circles developed by Dr. Dennis Dailey, focus on Sensuality, Sexualization, Intimacy, Sexual Identity, and Sexual Health. I think these might make a good framework for a 5 module course or could be used to introduce the concept of sexuality. Click here for a full explanation of The Circles of Sexuality.